The 'Hole' Affair Of The Heart

Well, for as much as I don't really feel like sitting down and reliving the past week and a half, it's probably a good idea for my own sake to get these events written down before I forget them. And since I've got some quiet time all to myself (the family is at church, and Mom told me I wasn't allowed to go) :) now is probably the best chance I'll get. So, where to start?
Well, last Tuesday my mom flew into town to give the girls a few days to warm up to her (particularly Summer) before I had to be gone for five days. To say I was nervous about the parent/child separation (again, particularly from Summer) was an understatement. It had me downright in tears sometimes to think about being away from my girls for that long (they would not be allowed to visit in the hospital). So it relieved me greatly when Dixie warmed right up to Grandma and Summer wasn't too far behind.

The next day was our ward Trunk-or-Treat party. I was really excited for this because it meant I could still enjoy some of the Halloween fun with my girls. So we had a good time getting the girls dolled up in their princess costumes...

 Dixie relished being 'allowed' to finally wear make-up

 Time for the hair...

 A sprinkling of fairy dust...

Add the crowned jewels...

 And Ta-Da! What a beautiful princess!!

Summer, on the other hand, had another idea in mind for her princess costume. She apparently wanted to go for more of the 'dead' look... 

All hail the Zombie Queen!

Did you ever see a cuter zombie?

 What a precious princess :)

After all the prepping and primping, we enjoyed some time actually going trunk-or-treating...

Summer was happy as along as she had something sweet in her mouth... :)

Not sure what this face is a reaction to, but I love it. :)

And our cute little trunk won in the top 3 for best decorated. Way to go, Grandma! :)

It was a fun night and a good way to enjoy the Halloween celebrations.

Well, after all that fun, it was time to get down to business. Thursday was spent getting everything ready. Final instructions, for this that and the other, and all sorts of random details. A delicious dinner out to Chili's for my 'final supper' (where I enjoyed a very tasty steak and corn on the cob), and then lots of loves and kisses that night as I put the girls to bed for the last time in a long time.

Friday morning, we were up super early to be at the hospital by 6:15 AM. We met Jim's parents there, who were so kind to stay there with him during the whole surgery procedure.
Once at the hospital, things went really quickly. I was the first patient of the day for my surgeon, so they just moved me right along through the check-in procedures. Jim was able to be with me all the way until they wheeled me back into the Operating Room, and then it was lights out. The last thing I remember thinking, as I was laying flat on my back in the OR, is that the towels under my legs were hitting them at an awkward length, but that I shouldn't bother mentioning it, because I would be asleep before long. :)
The next awareness I have is that I'm in the ICU (although I didn't actually know that's what it was) with other people in hospital beds around me and I can't talk. At some point I remembered back to my initial meeting with Dr. Gregoric and him telling me that I was going to wake up with tubes in my mouth and to try not to fight them. So I lay there for a long time, only semi-aware of what's going on around me. I remember being really really hot and trying to sign H-O-T to the nurses with my fingers because I  couldn't talk, but none of them were ever looking at my fingers. And then at some point I started getting the urge to cough and swallow. This was a big problem with the tubes in as they gave me a very acute feeling that I was choking each time I tried to cough or swallow. And seeing as I have a very sensitive gag reflex to begin with, this made me start to panic. I remember feeling like I was going to choke to death right there in the hospital and no one was helping me! I remember trying to speak to the nurses with my eyes (because, again, I still couldn't talk) and communicate the pain and panic I was in, but they didn't seem to catch on. It started making me even MORE nervous and then I really started to gag. By this time the nurses were aware I was struggling, but didn't know what to do since they weren't allowed to take the tubes out. They just tried to calm me down and I just wished they would hit me over the head with a mallet to knock me out again. :)  I was finally able to calm down enough to stop gagging (I'm guessing this was all intensified by the fact that my brain was still in and out of it) and then I just lay there with tears streaming down my cheeks. Finally, a nurse took pity on me and called in the doctor, or whoever could give permission to remove the tubes. They checked and saw I was stable enough to remove them, and even though it was probably earlier than they would have liked to, they thought it was best for my overall well-being to go ahead and take them out. :) So they did. And it was instant FREEDOM! It was the best feeling in the world to me at that time.
From there I remember being fairly aware of everything going on around me. I remember my back being in so much pain that I couldn't really drift into a solid sleep. I remember Jim being able to come visit me for half hour increments and him rubbing my back to try and ease the pain. I remember when they finally gave me my own button to push whenever I needed more pain medication released into the IV. :) But I still remember not sleeping more than and hour and a half at a time because my back just. hurt. so. much.
Finally, on Saturday night, they were able to move me up to my recovery room. The kind nurse who had been with me that day (her name was Whitney and she was probably a few years younger than me), wheeled me on through the hospital... and bless her heart, she had no idea how nauseous she was making me as she whipped through the hallways. I didn't really want to say anything, and wasn't too terribly worried because I've always had a really strong stomach. How strong? The last time I threw up was when I was 12 years old. That's how strong. Well, we made it up to my room, and Jim was there to meet us, and all I know is my head is spinning and I finally say, "I think I want to throw up." So, sweet Whitney hands me a little plastic bowl, and all of a sudden, all the water I'd been drinking for the past few days started coming back up. Wave after wave after wave. So much for my 20 year record.
Oh well.
The nice thing about being in the recovery room was 1) it meant Jim could be with me all the time now, and 2) it was a private room, so I didn't have to listen to other patients gurgling and what not all day/night long. So the next few days were focused on recovering enough to go home. The biggest issues we had were trying to find the right pain medication that would work for me. The IV pain meds were not doing anything for my back pain, so they finally removed me from those and started me on pills. The pills were fabulous in terms of pain relief and I finally slept through several hours at a time the first night I had them, but I kept getting nauseous with them. I also struggled with keeping my blood pressure up and had practically no appetite, so it turned into a vicious cycle. So through all 5 days I was there, it was a constant guess and check game of which medication at which dose would be the best.
Sunday was a good/bad day. I finally started nibbling on food and getting some energy back from that. I started walking in the hospital halls and trying to keep that blood pressure up. I also took my first shower and saw my wounds. I cried. That was tough. But every day has gotten better.
Monday I ate my first real meals, and had a wonderful visit from my mom (Jim needed to be back at work, so I welcomed the chance to have my mom there). The doctors and nurses were constantly checking on me and I asked if I would get to go home the next day. They were not sure about that, but didn't shoot it down. Jim came back after work to stay the night again (he's such a trooper... even though I think the lack of good sleep was starting to get to him.) :)
But by the next day (Tuesday), I was sure that I wanted to go home. I missed my girls, and my home, and I was tired of being poked and prodded and just wanted to go home and finally get some rest! :) So when the doctors came in that day and asked me if I was ready, I was sure to tell them what I wanted! I ate another good meal that day, the pain meds were finally starting to get stabilized, my blood pressure was up to a better range, and things were settling down. They sent in a therapist/counselor to chat with me about what to expect upon going home. It was a really good meeting and I was very grateful for her kindness and insights. It really helped a lot! And so, by the time Jim arrived in the afternoon, I was ready to be discharged from the hospital.
Leaving the hospital had me absolutely giddy. I felt like a little girl on Christmas morning. The air was crisp and cool, since a cold front had moved through Houston (I considered it a personal gift from Heavenly Father), and the ride home was very enjoyable. And by the time we pulled up into our driveway, I could hardly contain my excitement to see my girls. They came running out of the house, but Jim had quickly jumped between them and me and reminded them to be 'very soft with Mommy'. They had  apparently been rehearsing this for several days, and the girls were very good about remembering. They didn't jump on me, only hugged my legs softly and gave me kisses. They are the cutest angels in the world and I was grateful beyond words to be back home with them.
Recovery has picked up considerably since I've been home. I actually slept all the way through the night my first night home! (It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do for ya!) I'm not in a lot of pain as long as I stay on my pain meds, but I get short of breath easily if I try to talk for a long time or do too much. But I am being good about following orders to not lift the girls, or anything like that. Not that I think I even could if I wanted too... I'm pretty sure I would crumple on the spot in pain!
And speaking of pain... we had a fun issue with pain meds the other day. I realized I was running low on my pain pills on day 3 of being home, so I went to call in a refill and realized there was no refill issued! They had given me a 4 day supply with no refills. I was totally shocked. This had to be a mistake. So I called the dr's office that night, but they were closed, called again the next morning, and let them know I was on my last few pills and needed a refill, to which the receptionist said she would pass that on and they'd call me back. Hours later, no call back, so I called again and she said the dr's weren't in that day and didn't usually like to issue refills and recommended Extra Strength Tylenol. WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?!! But she said she'd try and call them and get back to me. Well, seeing as it was a Friday and I did NOT want to be stuck through the weekend with only Tylenol to try and survive on, I called my surgeon's office instead. I spoke with the nurse who had been like a mom to me in the hospital (Nurse Linda Chandler) and she immediately called in another 5-day supply of pills, plus a refill for me. I am so so grateful for her!! (And for the record, I did try the Extra Strength Tylenol, but it only takes the very edge off and lasts about 2 hours at most... so there's no way I could get through the nights with that right now). So anyway, with the pain under control again, I'm working on getting my breathing strength and chest strength back. Nights are still tough and I usually wake up in quite a bit of pain due to stiffness, but I'm currently trying to work through the pain a little better to wean myself off the pills (I'm hoping to not have to use the refill), but it's taking a lot of mental effort to focus on things other than the pain. :)
Thankfully, I have the most wonderful support group in the world. My mom has been an absolute life saver. I cannot even fathom trying to get through this without her here. I will admit, this process has been a lot harder than I had anticipated, but at the same time, I have no room to complain because I have very little to worry about other than recovering. Jim has been so great as well. I know he has so much on his plate right now and is trying to balance it all while taking on added responsibilities in order to help me out, but I love him so much for all his efforts and willingness. And our ward and friends have been another HUGE help. We've had meals constantly coming in as well as warm wishes from so many. I can't help but feel so tremendously blessed. I still get down a time or two, or frustrated that things aren't the way I want them to be as quickly as I want them to be, but I try to remember how incredibly blessed I am. I've literally had years added onto my life and likely an increased quality of life as well. The hole in my heart has been fixed!! What a miracle!! This discomfort is such a small price to pay and I'm so grateful every day for those who have helped me along the way. But mostly I'm so thankful to my loving Heavenly Father who has been watching over me through every step. I'm so grateful for the big and little miracles that have been ever present through this whole process. And I'm also so grateful for the new look on life this has given me. I hope to never ever take my blessings for granted.
Again, thank you thank you to you all! I love you all so much and hope you are also doing well.
Lots and Lots of LOVES!!